Auto Survival when Panic Attack

How would you feel when you are in a dark closed cage? will you be afraid? will you scream? what will you do?

Last June, I had vacation in Bohol with my mother. We visited our new friend in Carmen and stayed there for a night before going to Chocolate hills in Carmen, Bohol. We stayed first in Tagbilaran and decided to go to their place. We arrived at noon time, it was 30 minutes from the market to their place. The sun's location was 90 degrees and we ride a single motor or small bike for 30 minutes to get their home. It was a thirsty, bumpy, and dusty ride; yet I enjoyed and loved it. When we got there, It was such a pretty nice and fresh location. The homeowners, which our new friends, was so hospitable. Even their house was so simple but their service was excellent, excellent than the lodge we stayed in the city. In their backyard where we seated, I felt very recharged and refreshed while watching the greenery; hearing the sounds of the birds, the chickens, the cows, and goats while smelling the fresh air. The lifestyle in the province has no hustles, no bustles, no worries, and no pressures; therefore, I enjoy the simple country living though.

The next morning we're ready to go to Chocolate Hills, so our new friend prepared a contact Van to take us to Chocolate Hills. I gave him enough money to show how thankful I was for their hospitality. My mother said that we paid the hotel without excellent service how about this family that spare us a place and gave service beyond the hotel can give. :) They treat us like a family.

We stayed another night at Chocolate Hills, It's my first time to see such unexplainable landscape; where the mountains are perfectly coned shape of different heights and sizes. The only negative part of the site was that it need constant maintenance. However, I do loved the vastness of the mountains with different heights and colors. I enjoyed the open area, the freshness of the natures.

The next morning before going back to the city of Tagbilaran, we took breakfast at the Hotel Cafe.
From the hotel to the high way we walked down the road to have last sight seeing for that place.
We are waiting for the van, We texted our friend who reserved a seat for us from the market place. We waited for about 20 minutes. When the van arrived, we crossed the street and take the back seat because it was already full. The van holds 10-15 persons. At the back seat while I had a joke of Bohol language where their H pronunciation is K to other pronunciation.  When Boholano language is mathematically expressed, if "IJA" =  "AHU" where J=Y example of IJA is IYA in cebuano, SELF in English, and if H=K then Bohol became Bokol. Therefore, I told them how about Bohol is it Bokol? if it pronounced to other language? Bokol in Cebuano mean swelling, so my mother, my brother, and Kuya J cracked their laughed at me. and I laughed too. Now I got it, Bokol because it made of swelling shape mountains, name Chocolate Hills. :)

After a minute inside the van, I felt something different with myself; I suddenly felt I can not breath.  I was having a panic attack because of the closed crowded van. Though it was air-conditioned van, I think I am claustrophobic, so, I suddenly become quiet for awhile because I thought I am going to pass out. I feel weak. They didn't have any idea that I had a panic attack. My chest tightened and heavy as I saw all the passengers in front of me. I felt I was inside the closed cage. I wanted to go out and tell the driver to stop. But I was hesitated to do it, it might be very shameful if I did. So, In order to survive such weird dangerous event, I kept myself remain calm. I closed my eyes and I imagine that I am in an open area as far as I could.  Then, I took a deep survival and relieving breath. I kept my eyes closed so I can not look at the crowded closed van. I disciplined myself to remain calm and kept imagining that I am still in an open area. I keep reminding myself that everything will be alright and I can conquer panic attack by calming my mind. I did not open my eyes until I feel better. It took a couple of minutes for me to do my survival panic attack but it works. I did not say anything to them, so they will also remain calm. Because If I did told them, the situation become worsen.

Pre-menstrual Agony

The opening of the year 2013 is a promising year for me. I smell already the success, I smell the good life. I am enthusiastic of our coming perfume crafts with my sister Maya and my high school friend Cristy. I am full of hopes and dreams, my passion is firing up, my desire is boiling and so for my sister and my friend too. We are both having positive attitude, and we help each other. The months ahead is shining bright for us. Month of January is full of enthusiastic ideas and research. My friend and I exchange information that we find in the internet. We are brave and full of dreams. It seems like no one can ruin my mood.

But then suddenly, without knowing, my mood changes dramatically. It started the 4th week of January, full moon, when I felt deep anger inside. The anger that I couldn't explain. The anger that deep rooted from the past without basis, or if there are, it's been uninteresting to other part or subconciously forgotten event. I couldn't see any goodness, the clouds are dark. I feel so gloomy then.

I think,  every women feel the same as I do or experience the feeling as I do.  If not exactly the same experience, but I think every women can relate how I feel. This is the sudden change of mood either before or during menstruation.

But for me, my pre-menstrual cycle is an agony. I experience headache and I become moody. My past memories resurface and anger follow. It is like a volcano eruption that is so damaging. Very damaging. When person doesn't know me well nothing can be understood the why I act. Epecially of my attitude during pre-menstrual period. I feel so irritable and very hateful. When I have my pre-menstrual coming I feel like a devilish in me. It hurts to the person that I am displacing my anger. Because I fully displacing it without thinking what I am saying.  It hurts me too after all because I can not control.

I learned that this is due to gradual influx of Sodium (Na) ion within the cells of our body that depolarize when menstruation is coming. It gives potential event of sensation that changes the cell's activity.